these are the sleepless nights,these are the restless times.

2009-09-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

Exhausted.
It applies to every single area of life in mine.
A perfectionist by nature.
the only flaws I have are my insecurities which
revolves around my own personal fears.
clearly I don't appreciate the talks behind my back,
the bitching about whenever i'm not around.
the smiles faked upon my face.
what good do I have for you?
Go.
With no wish of future success, i'll end my connection with you.
clearly i don't deserve a hoe looking at me and thinking she owns me.
enough is enough.
you better think twice before doing likewise to any of my friends.
till then you're nothing more than a stranger to me. you fucking fraud.

i'll cure myself of my physical flaws.
u'll get envy of that.
i'm an arian, don't forget that.
we have high egos matched only by our capabilities.
this time i ain't going to repeat what others did.
sticking around and blessed you with every wish?
how blind can they get?
we're all humans. lucky me I have a future to look upon.

thanks Remee for the info, brothers by default with different mothers.
thanks Suhaimi for giving me the drive in life.
thanks Aidil for always hoping the best for me.
to every one else, try harder.

p.s : i love mix-bloods. (:

this feel good drag

2009-09-12T03:28:00.000+08:00

"I'm here for you" she said
and we can stay for awhile,
my boyfriend's gone,
we can just pretend.
Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin,
Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin.

Was this over before?
Before it ever began..
Your kiss, Your calls, Your crutch
Like the devils got your hand

This was over before!
Before it ever began
Your lips, Your lies, Your lust
Like the devils in your hands

Everyone in this town
is seeing somebody else
Everybody's tired of someone
our eyes wander for help
Prayers that need no answer now
I'm tired of who I am
You were my greatest mistake
I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin

Failure is your disease!
You want my outline drawn!
You are my greatest failure!
Discourse your saving song!

2009-09-08T06:27:00.000+08:00

" You're the best boyfriend material "

The lines I've heard throughout these years. Like a rehearsed broadway show that has been playing over and over again. I am sick of it honestly. I wish that those words will not be just another motivational factor, I want it to be crafted as an action plan. Who am I to kid? Those lines were never true, the dark meanings behind them has diluted with the poison that boils deep in this human body. The minds I played around with, they have gotten their revenge. I don't know who I am anymore. My name never felt this empty before.

What have I become?

2009-09-05T05:55:00.001+08:00

Finally we felt sparks flying,
the chemistry reignited.
flow of thoughts and words ran smoothly,
the 3 of us on strings decided to step things up.
moments like this,
i'll never forget moments like this.
truth to be told,
i'm the most happiest man at that second.
with friends on each side,
creativity unites.
passion in our blood,
transfered to movements of our fingers to the guitars.

we found peace.
we shared joy.

till I start breathing my last breathe,
through thick and thin,
i'll vow to stand by you guys.

this is my life.

asrizal.

2009-09-03T12:38:00.000+08:00

yesterday was worth it all.
the risk was there and taken well.
i gambled my future away for the sake of enjoying my youth.
remember, we only can be young once.
its best to just savour every second of it and exploit it.
skate will never be the same for me as it was in the past.
now with a screwed up left leg, i have much more to consider before attempting any tricks.
nevertheless, i'll keep on pushing till it reaches that moment where it has enough.
till then, i'll keep on practicing.
every wednesday night is going to be dedicated to this special miracle made of a wooden body and metal parts. and the package it came along with are my friends who enjoy these moments with me.

anyways STEPASIDE will be launching a new project soon.
we will be printing tees for our band and hopefully sell them at future shows.
i'll be putting up designs on this page and hope to get feedbacks from you guys.
till then, happy fasting muslims!!!!

2009-08-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

these thoughts of the past will always haunt me,
a moment in history where I will never want replayed.
the dark days my family suffered,
in the hands of my very own creator.
the guy I have to relate to as my dad.
he destroyed my life, my mum's and my siblings'.
the same monster that made me believe that I had no home.
since young, i have vowed and promised my mum that I will never be like him.
a drunkard by nature's design, a gambler by default.
spare your anger if i played through cold heart's motive.
it was implanted in me since the day i was born.
the only human thing left of me is my desire to please my mum.
i know i failed so many times, i know i caused most of your worries.
we're all struggling to meet month's end.
you always try your best to ensure there is enough to feed us all.
only problem is that I will always land myself in trouble and leech those hard earned effort.
the fault it only mine to blame. i'm sorry.

i wish i can find a job.
i wish that i can change my life.
i know that this is not the path for me,
i am not a wicked man.

i just wish that i could help.

2009-08-25T02:14:00.000+08:00

it was deep, it was meaningful.
honestly i have never felt so much better in my entire life.
it's a puzzle how things can always screw you up real good and yet you feel way better despite the facts.
life's complicating
lets all agree on that shall we?

started out with a 100bucks fine and ended the day with an additional of 120bucks fine.
all thanks to the traffic police officer that was seemingly following me all the way from home to the expressway.
guess he has an issue with young guys on bikes.
so yeah, was being questioned on how long i have been riding and yes i have to admit that it was wrong for me to not put up my probation plate.
so i'll have no complaints or arguments about being slapped a 120 fine.
guess it's a pretty much fucked up affair with the authorities but i will love to just learn from my mistakes this time round.

I, Muhammad Asrizal Bin Anuar, will never ever be complacent again and abide by the rules and laws of Singapore as much as I can. Cause if i fail to do so, the authorities will just leech on the precious money i have. Overall i should stop donating my efforts to the people that i don't really favor.

so yeah, gotta put up my probation plate as soon as i can so as to avoid more problems for myself.

tomorrow is my last day of school for the current semester.
HOORAY FOR THAT!!!!
means i have so much time left to find and get a real job before school knocks in again in a couple of months.
gosh i really need a job damn it. if not who is going to feed my bike and repair my damages. both tangible and intangible ones.

to everyone who did not return my calls when i urgently need em,
i'm sorry if i ever offended you in such a way you despised me now but then again i don't think i'm the problematic one.
we must repent ourselves and find what are our flaws and correct them if possible.
in the end we all live our lifes for ourselves and for no one else.
being apologetic is one thing, changing ourselves for the good or better is another thing in hand altogether.
the latter being the preferred one in this case.

i just wish everyone well.
i just wish that everything will run smoothly again.
i just wish that people will be less heartless and start using their minds to think about matters in life.
i just wish everyone can prioritize their life and hope to seek peace in whatever their intentions are.
i just wish we are all going to stand united as one and fight the problems we face with no thoughts of regrets.

we are all not perfect my friends,
in life we rise and we fall.
the only true thing that remains are our hearts and our passion to progress.
that is what i see ideal.

2009-08-22T00:57:00.002+08:00

its the fasting month and i swear i am not in any state to rejoice such month.

first of all, i have yet to settle the 100 bucks fine that slapped me a couple of weeks back. It gets much more complicated when I know that no one can truly help me with such matters. Hence, i derived to this conclusion that i need much more rich friends. So that they can help me when i am in a financial problem.

secondly, i have been down with fever and body aches recently. now this is just showing how unhealthy i have become over the last couple of weeks. Usually i am the sort of guy who will just brush away any disease or illness and continue my everyday norm routine. However right now, I am so sick that i can't even bother waking up and look out my window. Why the hell are such diseases around so much these couple of days? Damn they should find some remedy to treat such normal problems. It could lead to death you know.

Lastly, WHY WON'T ONLINE STORES FROM ABROAD SENT THEIR SHIPMENTS TO SINGAPORE?
it's really bugging me lately. We definitely do not have much variety of stuffs to shop locally and so we resort to online shopping but then again we are restricted by the shops available to our country. This is totally unfair. How are we going to be much more unique when it comes to fashion if we are only exposed to just a lil variety of clothes.

we are all controlled like some caged animals right here.

can someone help me get LLT apparels? i swear i want one!!!!

2009-08-18T01:45:00.002+08:00

Life Long Tragedy - Make or Break It

Has your heart ever skipped a beat?
Have you ever had to face hardships?
Did you ever have to overcome your fears and make sacrifices?
Who we are and what we want to be,
is nothing without the heart to see,
that where we're going is our own destiny,
not another's life that was chosen for me.
We keep on fighting to save ourselves,
but we keep forgetting everyone else.
I've seen the view from the bottom.
There was a time when I let myself sink.
Dying to be saved by someone,
instead of living to the best of my ability.
This world is what you make it.
This life is what you make it.
The choice is up to you,
whether you love or hate it.
This world is what you make it.
This life is what you make it.
The choice is up to you,
whether you make or break it.
I'll live my life for me.
And we're still fighting,
slowly gaining ground.
Choosing our own battles by making our own sound.

2009-08-16T03:06:00.000+08:00

THANKS EVERYONE!!!

For making the show an effing great one.
I will definitely remember this as one of the finest gig i have ever step into.
It was meant to be a small show but the turnout was great.
The bands that played were really awesome.
ALL OF THEM ARE TIGHT!!!

REVERSED were superb for a new band. They covered one of the best tracks out there. Surely a band with much brightness in their future. WE HOPE TO SEE MORE OF YOU GUYS!!!!

Reckless Landing were tight. They are and will always be THE Reckless Landing. Great stuff guys.

STRAIGHT FORWARD WILL ALWAYS BE THE GREAT STRAIGHT FORWARD...surely i will want to share a stage with them again. no. not a stage but MANY stages. (: thanks guys. you are truly familia!!! heh.

DRIVEN, the guest band from JB, is still going to be the most tightest band out there in SEA. They are improving every single moment on stage. How great is that. To have them as guest band for today was really a great deal and it really paid off. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! MORE COVERS FROM FINAL FIGHT PLEASE BROTHERS!!!!

COMRADE the most breath taking band today. Honestly i wish we are at their level. THEY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER IN THE SCENE. THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING FOR TERROR PLEASE!!! hahahaha. okay i am nuts! THEIR NEW TRACKS ARE REALLY WORTH THE WAIT AND ITS REALLY SOMETHING NICE TO THE EARS! GOD BLESS THEM!

lastly, i will like to shout out a big thanks to the crowd..

they are the best today. honestly, i didn't expect to have such turnout since we kinda posted fliers and posters a tad too late. HOWEVER they are still there to support the bands and the gig itself. It was really a happy moment for me as this is my first time ever doing such stuffs. I wanna cling on to this crowd for as long as i can. They are the most hyped up bunch of people that anyone can ever get.i love you guys!

Honestly i am feeling accomplished. Everyone had fun.
well lets stop for a short while and rest shall we band?

we will resume with a new project soon after 2 weeks of break.
need to seriously tighten up our current badge of songs and of course we have a 7 inch album set in mind. lets work on it guys!!! I LOVE STEPASIDE. AMIN.

2009-08-11T14:42:00.002+08:00

How many of us Singaporeans are actually enjoying their life here?
To be honest, i am speaking up on behalf of almost all the friends i have.
We are not happy with life here.
I am not going to pin point whoever is at fault and hence a holism approach was preferred.

We are all chained to commitments.
chained to our 9 to 5 jobs, our schools and our parents.
while some of us are blessed with parents who have already gotten over the stage of having a controlled mindset, most of us are left with parents who stay strong to their traditional beliefs and imposed rules on their children to be the people they want them to be.
and judging by today's context, most of our parents just want us to be working with high payroll. ensuring that we have great education.
that is where the standards are set and its really taking a toll on us youths who feel that life is not just about money. where is that freedom of speech, that desire to do arts? its simple that most of the kids now a days are being forced into their career path. so for those parents, please spare a thought for these individuals. don't let them be controlled just because you are. time has evolved. the need for artists and musicians is well needed for the growth of the nation.

and right now, it is pretty obvious that the standard of living here is really stressful. yes we have a lot of convenience here in our country but don't you guys think that its about the same thing at almost everywhere in town? like whats the point of having a clone war attack of shops and interest stores? clearly the variety we offer is not something to boast about. and speaking of that, i feel that the heritage parts of Singapore are being tarnished with the new upgrading works. making more rooms for more business-related buildings and identical malls. now it is difficult to find areas where it is still old-school. even though we are upgrading ourselves and our looks, we should never drop the consideration of our heritage. I mean that is what we used to be, what that makes the nation unique to begin with in the first place.

talking about freedom. where is it? we are all being controlled. our sport talents are replaced by foreigners. a nigga in our national team for soccer. now what can we say of that? and these foreigners are paid a ton just to migrate and serve this country that they were not born in. The loyalty is definitely not there. honestly, if this goes on, our local talents will continue to be overlooked as it is right now.and there is no freedom of growth for our locals. thats a big problem people. do we want singaporeans to die out and be extinct?

talk about money. everyday we are being leeched and for what price really?
i have a bike and i feel like i have to pay for almost everywhere i ride to. not mentioning the erp rates and the redundant need for payable parking. oh yeah that leads me to the tax imposed. we are paying more just because we have to pay the government. yes it is good to always be thinking of profits for the nation but if human rights are being disregard, we will better be of dead right? i mean whats the idea of being rich yet lead a stressful life? a life technically controlled by the country. this is not right. simply not right.

to be continued...

undeleted

2009-08-10T05:36:00.000+08:00

i actually thought of deleting this blog.
but then again i felt the need to write again.
so here it is.
still the same old blog before.

i will not write about what i used to write.
now i will put some more fun in it.
make things much more pleasant to read.

rest assured.
the old me is long gone.
hello new asrizal.
your friends are going to love you.

i am asrizal and i am the best at what i do. (:

lets just say i have some egoistical issues shall we?

2009-08-04T06:19:00.000+08:00

bruised chin, swollen left ankle, weak left kneecap, painful left hand, fever approaching.
bike's a mess, front of it dangling, left side of the handle bar seemly smashed, seat is pretty much spoiled.
with so much in hand,
how am i able to face this problem alone?
adding on to the list of casualties i owned.
this if fucked up.
i'm fucked up.
nevertheless you made my day earlier.
wish you knew.

2009-08-03T01:09:00.002+08:00

today was really spectacular.
i love you guys for giving me that chance.
to show something.
to prove something.
the worth waiting for such days to happen really enlightened me today.
we did things that people never expected us to do.
to perform for such hyped up crowd is a dream worth achieving.
to stand side by side with true friends and realizing that dream is being accomplished is another miracle altogether.
i really admire this bond we share.
hold on guys, we have much more coming our way this time round.

to dear whoever,
i miss those times we shared.
those late nights we spent.
doing stuffs that never made any sense.
it was something that i never thought i will enjoy doing it other than with you.
how i wish things will never be this hard.
to avoid and ignore each other.
i regret things but i will never apologize for them.
knowing that i always wanted you to be happy.
bearing in mind i will try my best to get the best for you.
if that means shutting myself up, making myself hypnotize by this very old lie, a lie where i will ignore the facts that i really care for you,
to actually suffer all alone knowing that's best for you.
i will do it for sure and push every effort in me to make that happen for you.
never ever asking anything in return.
i'll play by my own rules in my very own self tormented game.

i will always be there even when you need me to or you don't.
so rest assured, smile.... i just want you to be happy alright?
i know i will never be good enough for you.

2009-07-27T03:02:00.000+08:00

now i know who are my real friends,
i don't really intend of making new ones.
but if you just happen to know me at the right time and i am in the right mood,
why not?
the deal right here is simple,
i am going to be more strict on the type of friends i hang with,
call me anti-social, call me anything.
you don't mean a thing to me till i find you interesting.
and believe me it is getting harder to get my attention.
till then, i'll say what i have to say and what i want to say.
not what you want to hear.
i don't respect acts of sucking up if you ask me.

so let's just say.
prove to me you're worth the stay.
and true enough, miracles happen to people who makes.

2009-07-23T10:35:00.002+08:00

Things have changed.
I have never realized how unappreciative i was in the past few years.
Looking back at my life and the feedbacks i received.
Facts showed that I have been always been better off than most of my friends.
What happened actually?
Truth is i am not sure actually.
Money has always been what i love to earn and splurge.
without actually thinking of the rationale on why i spent so much.
I was always in my own make-believe troubles.
this has to stop.
I have to be a better man than what my mum thinks of me now.
always letting her down.
thats what i was perceived to be excellent at.

5 years trailing

2009-07-19T05:09:00.002+08:00

True friends stabbing in the front.
that was all that really matters.
i have never felt this shitty in all my life till minutes ago where i find myself in a state of anger,confusion and depressed.
honestly bro, you were never a burden for me and never will you be one.
i don't exploit on your falters and weaknesses.
as much as i can, i always wanted the best for you.
at times, yes, i have to agree that ego got the best of me and i do blurt out harsh words out of frustration just to hope that you realize how angry i can be at times.
but you left me with words that stings the strongest of ties and heart.
like a dagger that is forced in hard to cause permanent damages.
fuck, i was on the receiving end.
"at least i don't treat my friends like trash as how you do"
those were the words and its bound to create nightmares and thoughts that hurts even the friendliest of men.
with all due respect, i don't wish to oppose that ideology.
instead, I'll keep that phrase in mind every where i will set my foot on.
maybe i did make mistakes here and there but it was unintentional.
for that, for those of the fallen, i am apologizing on behalf of my actions and words that may hurt you guys.

I was glad to hear that you view me more of a brother than a friend.
honestly, i feel the same way about you.
but to watch you walk away when i just wanted to fix things up with a simple chat was simply..hmmmm... (I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT HERE IN WORDS)

that was how fucked up i was. with a fresh wound in hand and thinking that i am letting 5 years of friendship burnt just like that. I was just wanting to salvage it and amend any mistakes we both have. its no denial it takes two hands to clap.
same goes to problems in a friendship. we both know that we're at fault. we have to fix things up together and that was how we operated for the past few years. the struggles we had, the fights we shared.

you're still a true friend to me.
no matter how much you are going to hate me,
for being honest with my feelings,
i don't view you anything less than what i have always been seeing you as.
a true friend.

2009-07-17T05:38:00.003+08:00

right now, nothing means more to me than

my bike
my guitar
my mum
my grades
my final year project
my band
my friends
my family
my self

these are the things i will focus on currently. ensuring that every field is done or worked on till perfection arises. i should stop wasting time and let my sweat and tears do all the talking from now on. work is seriously a must in this life of mine.
and i am so not gonna deprive myself of it.

hope that f.a.d will accept my proposition and allow us to have our show there instead of us using crawlspace. guess the place is just too small for our liking. :)

2009-07-15T00:43:00.002+08:00

this term often overused.
where do i stand after countless usage of it?
did i really amend my mistakes? did i ever tried to bother change?
truth is i have tried so hard but the results were simply insignificant.
so these wounds should stay unhealed forever?
those burning scars..
will anyone really cure me of this torture i withstand?

mum,
i am sorry for all the mess i've created this past 19 years.
the hell you had to go through just to see me grow up.
to support me and my siblings as a single mother.
i'll apologize on my biological father whom i've lost touch with this couple of years back.
to see those tears, they just saddens me to know i was the cause all along.
always being the one you put your hopes on.
the burden was ever so great. with this load on my shoulder i tried to march forth.
only to know i led a path so twisted that it was hard to ever go back.
so much has been shed this couple of years lately.
to see me as a teenager now and entering adulthood.
i understand your fear in me right now.
being an individual with lost moralities, i fear myself greatly too.
habits that reminds you of my father, ego that tore the family apart.
it has been trademarked in me since i started knowing freedom.
not appreciating what you have done so much.
i was such a selfish son. no, i don't deserve to have a great mum like you.
we lost our connection.
i'm crying right now thinking of this chaos that dawns upon us.
will you ever forgive me mum?
i am holding my breath, gasping as time stands still just to hope that you do.

i am sorry mum.

it is about time i open up to the world.
long gone the days of hiding.
keeping the truth behind my egoistical front.

19 years of twisted hardship.
family roots ever so winding.
an individual led to believe in self independence.
that was what i have become.
never really agreeing with others and stone headed.
this is who i am.
my single mother and siblings were the only family to me.
the dad that never really bothered about the well-being of us even though he has his heart still engraving our names.
where were you when we were in peril?
never really there cause you have your own hell to handle.
i never blamed you for that cause i know how you feel right now.
going towards the same path of mad destruction.
i really hope someone pulls me hard.
poverty was something i lived through and i led myself to believe i am my own father.
the one responsible for the acts of my younger blood ones.
looking at all from a bigger picture.
i have only myself to blame.
i spent so much time outside that i disregard this feeling of home.

can i change this path i'm setting foot on?

to my friends,
thanks for being there when i needed someone to listen to my worries.
thanks for always supporting me through thick and thin.
appreciating me for who i really am and always making a point that i was ok.
i love it when you guys are happy.
just puts a smile on my face.
and never should you worry cause every one of them is as sincere as the last one you've seen.
stay in there guys. cause i need you guys more than ever right now.
in this time of true hardship, i am truly sorry to be pulling you guys down or asking for help. i am really sorry.

2009-07-13T03:05:00.004+08:00

MORE THAN LIFE - FEAR
Letting go of my love with a stranger's breath against my skin
I left my heart 200 miles away,
I never had it back
It all fell apart and the blood ran cold through these dead veins
Standing by your side without saying a word.
I was breathless
Nothing left to believe in.
Your worn face and hands tell the stories of solitude.
Endless Friday nights and fucking fear.
Finally breaking our silence,
only to find out the harsh reality
That catches up on me, on these winter nights that came to soon (too fucking soon)
I'm only 19 years old but there's so much pain in here
Fuck this pain!
So look past my skin,
look past these scars,
look past the glimmer of hope in my eyes
If I'm honest to myself it feels like you're only haunting me.

This song really explained what i am feeling deep down right now.
Indescribable tortures that dwells within in me only written as a song for others.
Sometimes I wonder what is going on and how am I able to cope it.

2009-07-11T08:36:00.004+08:00

i hate the motherfxckin freaking weather nowadays.
sure people have been saying "wow its raining!so nice to sleep"
well people,think for a moment before you wish its going to rain heavily again alright?
since you are not living in this world alone and there are bound to have cons to every wish you deem positive.
for true example,when you guys are happily sleeping,some of us are actually traveling having to attend matters or even school/work! so spare a thought for these busy individuals will ya?
sure its cozy when its raining and you're indoors, but have you guys ever wondered that what is going on outside? imagine workers still having to work hard just so that you guys live in comfort.start appreciating others...

well that brings me to my second point. appreciating others.
i have been through hell lately where i finally figured out who are my real true friends and who are just acquaintances.
Real friends will walk up to you,say something is wrong with you and talk things out hoping for a mutual understanding between both parties.
Fake friends on the other hand, go up to you and insult all he/she wants without coming up with a solution.
I've seen so much of the latter lately that i forgotten how it feels like to be chilling with my hommies and brothers.
These friends of mine are the ones that have stick through thin and thick with me.
never ever bringing up what happened in the past and always looking for a better future. Friendship is full of hope and trust. That's what's important actually to make a perfect cup of friendship.

FRIENDS ARE LOYAL.
FRIENDS DON'T INSULT WITHOUT A SOLUTION IN HAND.
FRIENDS DON'T USE THEIR FRIENDS FOR PERSONAL GAIN.
FRIENDS LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER THROUGH THICK AND THIN.
FRIENDS ENSURE THE BEST FOR EACH OTHER.
FRIENDS SACRIFICES THEIR WANTS JUST TO ENSURE OTHERS ARE HAPPY.
FRIENDS DON'T STUCK UP TO OTHERS AND KILL THEIR OWN KIND.

I am happy that i have true friends around me. :)

2009-07-11T03:29:00.002+08:00

i appreciated the things you taught.
remember the times we had and cherish each moment of it.
before things get so wrong for me. I'll break myself apart.
no worries cause I've learned to be a better man from all this really.
thanks so much miss, you know i am always there if you ever really need a friend.
i wish for so much right now. hopeful.

eyes all cleared now.
I'm looking forward but i just can't see straight.
buried by all these ashes of a monster.
its okay cause i am still breathing.
don't sigh cause i will find my way out from this war-scarred remnants.

staying positive, i am actually opening up some windows and letting others in.
time for me to really think right and go on with this life.
there are so much i want to do right now.
help me organize my journey. i have done too much homework on it.
energy drained. i am only capable of dragging my feet across this path.
i need that push to get me going again.
help anyone?

2009-07-09T15:27:00.003+08:00

things been happening too fast with such limited time frame.
it's okay. i have learned so much in the past to be able to cope with this train wreck.
smiles on that, thanks to all my friends who were there to cheer me up when i am down.
funny how people presumed i am a happy-go-lucky guy when i am actually not.
i think a lot, i think deep, i think hard on the events that happened in my life.
analyze the situations and derive my own answers to all the imposing questions.
oh well me being me. i love my sight.
able to pick myself up after every mishaps and dealing it with a one-man showmanship pleases me. call me self-centered but i know i am not. egoistical disguise just to push myself up high among the others. catch me if you can guys,that is a challenge i issue to all.
we all have our own dreams and beliefs.
work hard for it.
we all die alone in the end really.

2009-07-08T13:39:00.002+08:00

morning sun

Remee and me kinda created a new tune for the band lately.
decided to actually input some ideology into the hymm.
main words for this song will be "morning sun".

every morning,we have to agree that most of us have to wake up to a 9-5 routines.
always,simply always,the sun will be up there staring down at us.
angry at itself as it was tasked to be up every morning just to shine down on us.
what do we do in return for his actions? we simply sulk. beat ourselves about and neglect his presence.
don't you guys see it?
we are really self-centered creatures that requires some global motivational campaigns just to drive us to be nice.
this is all pretty pathetic.
i don't wanna be a part of this self-centered colony.i want to stand up above the rest.easily singled out for this very plan i have.
time for a change.
time for appreciating what has been given to us.
just like the morning sign, i will rise up to the occasions and bring goodness to the others. helping them. impacting lives. those are my dreams for now. my plans for the future.

lets smile hope to ourselves,band.
lets breath with ease knowing that we have went through a recession of our own and survived it well.
altering individual concepts along the way.
just like the morning sun. we will give signs we're awake and full ready to take up our responsibilities and show the world what we're made up of.
to shine down on others and making an impact on them.
isn't that we have always wanted? to bring across messages to the many people around the world irregardless of race,sex,religion and age?
we will be doing that.
i believe in that dream,what about you?

okay that is all i have to say for now. Aidil, hope you like it. :)

2009-07-06T00:26:00.002+08:00

it has been quite some time since i have updated this blogspot.

been kinda busy lately with all the worries and plans i have plotted for myself.
financially i am pretty much unstable right now.
been going over-budget just to see me through the day or have my desire fulfilled.
i know i am not the only one facing the same problem here among the people who walk this earth.
there are bound to have those who will sacrifice their needs to attain their wants.
pretty darn stupid and selfish i suppose?
simply answered that we are all never perfect. never has and never will.
the only thing to do right now is to bounce back from what ever spoils we conjure up for ourselves and bounce really hard from it.

that really showcased me in some other spotlight where i am being tasked as the financial in-charge for Step Aside.Self-appointed i guess? But no worries much. The money is all safe right now and i have to go pay for the gig as soon as i can.
Speaking of bands, i was pretty amazed by Straight Forward's set last Saturday at Scape. Damn tight and this band is really one for the future. Kudos to the band members, their friends and their hot "manager". geez.!
oh yes before i end of with bands and Step Aside, I will gladly like to announce that the band is making progress. Small yet motivational progress that will eventually lead us somewhere. The band had our own talk and scores were settled and misjudgments were fixed. Thanks to all my band mates for making things so much easier. :)
next recording and rewords up and coming soon. check the band's site soon after 18 July.

A friend reminded me yesterday about how i strong-headed and stubborn i was in the past.He is pretty much afraid of how i have lost hope in myself and how i am willing to give up without really putting up a real fight.A fight worth a million years,a fight just for that special someone. It has all been fading from me recently when i saw no glimpse of hope. Yet it is always weird when the feeling of having a crush on someone lingers for long and prolongs false hopes in ya.

that simple reminder really puts wonders in this aching heart. where is my old self? the one who keeps on picking himself up after every fall and fighting for his beliefs?

hey dude,he is here really. i am not giving up right now. i am not going to give up soon. i am never going to give up ever.

2009-07-01T06:09:00.002+08:00

money and woman.

these are the weaknesses of man in life.
those that will see a man at his knees begging for a perfect combination of both.

we can't blame the fact that money really can buy you what's wants in life.
it is just that the process of obtaining it that is scaring me.
we see people,contented with lust and sometimes greed, doing anything just to get their hands on money. that dough that will feed the children, that dosh that will keep their life running.there are so many examples out there showing our dependency on money. it will be nuts to list all of em here. in case you guys are wondering why in the world i am blogging about this? the answer is simple, i am a victim of money. i have to admit that my life will be incomplete without the sight of money in my pocket or wallet. i fall to this addiction of shopping,spending money wastefully without hesitation. summing it all up,it has really caused my very great downfall. with all the things that has been happening, i forgot the true meaning of having a great time with anyone and anywhere. this saddens me and i am sorry for those who suffered this peril.

woman is what every man needs. that is pretty much true regardless of your sex orientation. woman here can come in the form of a gf,sweetie,date or even your mum. undeniably, my greatest moments were when i spend time with an opposite sex. irregardless of what we do, the memories just lingers around for ages and never seem to fade. Maybe that is a man's weakness? who can really claim that they chose bros over hoes? who can really admit that they have never ditched their friends just to go out with a girl? no one in mind for me right now. even my closest of friends have their moments and yes,i don't mind it at all cause we all have this desire to be around the opposite sex.
i have seen myself and my hommies fall because of a girl.really painful moments i just had to withstand which i can't seem to remove from this mind of mine. served as a punishment,correction and warning, i am pretty much able to oppose more right now. something good? well it just gotten me in a state where my heart is cold stone. yet it warms up every now and then whenever i see this particular smile. cheezy much? i don't know and i don't care. she made me feel like every single moment i spent with her seeming to be the first time we've met.

with contradictions running in my mind right now. guess i'll stop. sorry.

bitter misses

2009-06-29T02:29:00.002+08:00

lets us first start with how the movie outing went out.
can't believe it but sometimes i just feel that my band mates are not my true friends except for Remee.The only guy to actually stick around when ever times are down for me and it just feels that he is the only holmes i have in the band.
the movie was simply awesome.something which i wanna watch again but with someone else. Megan Fox is the hottest thing on earth and Shia LaBeouf is one hell of a cute ass mother fucker.No i am not gay if you guys are wondering.Actually,that dude has been seriously been one hell of an idol for me really when it comes to how he brings about himself in his movies.Simply classic.
So me and remee watched the movie together without the others and yet it was all great.got to meet up some of the +65 kids before the movie started so pretty much that was how the day went.

a lot of things have been running through my mind right now.
i didn't know i can actually miss someone that bad.believe me this is the first time something like this is actually happening to me.maybe there is a start for everything?just maybe,the real answer is still not derived.this is all so wrong.i can't possible have feelings for someone who is already attached but then again the odds of it happening are really high and when that happens,it means a whole lot of big things.masked by this thing called 'friends',i just hold on to whatever there is left for me to grab on.for now,she is the only thing that really caught me off guard.the only one who can really turn my tides around and the only one who can really stir butterflies in my bloated tummy.
oh well,who am i kidding..she probably don't even remember me when she is somewhere else across the borders.for now,i'll just let myself fall apart and keep myself a place for her to come by anytime she wants.
yes,i'll always be there if you need me to.always there to make a smile upon your face and ensuring things go right for ya.

maybe i am in trouble,maybe i don't. who ever says guys don't have insecurities.

2009-06-26T02:06:00.002+08:00

i am so gonna catch this movie.it has been 2 days since it launched here in singapore.
oh well i may be slow but yeah i don't think this movie will die out fast like any other movies.cause it is THE transformers two.haha.sequel to the first one.
ian has asked if the whole band can watch it together or something.that is good cause finally the band will be having an outing and enjoy. hopefully it will be a success or something cause things are shaky right now.hopefully an outing like this will help settle indifference and just allow room for trust and friendship in this band.something that has been lacking since day one itself.

oh yeah i am officially unemployed again.fought with my fcking manager and things got really messy. i am still not going to admit its my fault cause i didn't do anything wrong to begin with. i just don't understand people who are like fcking egoistic with the power they have.chill,you guys are humans too just like us.

lastly, yeah i did give away some hints. guess i am just being stupid? i don't have a clue myself. i am just being pulled in some quicksand where things are looking no where good. maybe u didn't expect it from me but i have to admit that my feelings grew no matter how much i tried to control it.it is something i have to say that its my fault.i am sorry for that.i try my best for the interest of others. cheer up asrizal.

2009-06-23T09:22:00.002+08:00

i'm nothing.
a mere existence of human failure in this country tormented by its own spell.
stress and everything co-related surrounds the lifestyle irregardless of day or night.
where do i stand among all the hollow faces?
just a barely visible shadow as the others watch the ones up front.
is this really the life we hope and work for?
not being able to have 100% control over the things we own.
where is the power of freedom that was promised upon us,this nation.
it was then i realize.
with what i have and what i do.
i don't have a chance of joining the front line.
so from the very back door,i planned my success route.
to leave this place and return when i'm all well.
go on a backpacking adventure,enjoying the sights of this world.
earn enough to build me a fantasy.
gain enough trust to solidify my own friendship circle.
learn enough to know the meaning of love.

these things i speak of are what i need yet lack of at this current point of time.
other than being too matured for myself.
i am pretty much nothing.
c'mon people,don't deny that.

2009-06-22T15:19:00.002+08:00

i ain't a rich kid you can feed upon.
not the kinda guy who you can feast your eyes upon.
the type that u don't wanna hang around with.
plain simple that i am not even an inch of looks,
having to deal with my own financial madness,
will you be able to withstand my shitiness.

to any girls out there who can really turn me on,
i dare you to.
cause it will take me a while to realize whats going on.

DAMN MY LIFE!

2009-06-20T04:55:00.002+08:00

call it a waste of time, call it a waste of mind.
i just don't care anymore.
telling me that i am not capable of earning her trust and her heart.
maybe i don't but i wanna keep on trying.
till i break myself apart.
insane i say? its just who i am.
when i really like someone i really do.
no questions about that.
the fact that someone can get me so hype up,wanting to go great distant to just meet her and see her really means a lot to me.

it has been a while since i felt that way.
and now i am seeing a glimpse of it. fake or not. i don't wanna bother about that.
let me break down when i need to.
its just me being me.

heartless (copyrights)

2009-06-18T23:55:00.005+08:00

oh i know i am not the only one here in my msn contact list that post this video up.
maybe for now i only two people including me.
the song is simply god damn good!
maybe i will cover his version pretty much soon.

today was pretty much bumped out.i slept from about 8am to 5pm.
with a no brainer's attitude.headed work.
the rest of the evening was simply boring.
work work work.
4 letters that keeps on playing in my evenings these past few weeks.
i need another 4 letters word right now.
f.u.c.k.
haha.im sick i know.

2009-06-16T07:31:00.002+08:00

one hell of a chaotic night.
measures taken in order to keep your love ones safe.
from any kind of evil that may eventually be in them
or coming for them.
it took me a while to shudder,
to see how my mum is deeply hurt.
i felt the stab,the pain just looking at the state she was in.
it was freaking me out.stressing me out.saddening me in every possible way it can.
that need for sleep was overshadowed with thoughts only of curing her.
i slugged my way around the house hoping for a miracle.
while silent screams echoes the hallway.
unfamiliar tone,foreign ascent.
it was definitely not her.
minutes seems like hours right now.
all we could do was pray as a family.
had my nap.

morning came and i was overjoyed to see my mum waking me up.
the usual sight of her trying her best to wake a dead animal for school.
i almost burst into tears.
guess the long hours were worthy.
it was not a dream as my step dad reminded me what happened.
guess its over for now. i really hope so.

thanks Ian and Remee for being the friends who nurture my faith in God.
thanks Adi for helping me clear my school work. That reminds me that i am locked out from LEO.
Thanks Joanna for listening to me while you're already tucked in and asleep.Sorry that my international credit ran out.I didn't mean to hang up on you just like that.

2009-06-15T02:01:00.003+08:00

Let's sail away
Find our own country
We'll build a house and beds out of palm trees
Let's get away
Let's push our lives aside

I'll sport a smile
Take in some color
Under the stars
I'll be your lover
With no distractions I'm gonna treat you right

Well it seems like things are only getting better
Well it seems like we can never catch a break

Just a keep a hold on me don't let go
If you float away, if you float away
Waiting too long for a ship to come
Don't you float away, don't you float away

Let's go to bed
Let's stop debating
Look at the time
We're always waiting
But we're in love
And that should be just fine

Well it seems like things are only getting better
Well it seems like we can never catch a break

Just keep a hold on me don't let go
If you float away, if you float away
Waiting too long for a ship to come
Don't you float away, don't you float away
[x2]

And if you like (and if you like)
and if you like some other time
I would like to introduce you to the finer things
If we survive (if we survive)
If we survive, get out alive
I'd like to say how beautiful I think you...

Just a keep a hold on me don't let go
If you float away, if you float away
Waiting too long for a ship to come
Don't you float away, don't you float away

i am simply stuck on this particular songs.
meaningful lyrics and nice catchy tune.
ask me for the song! :)

2009-06-09T07:37:00.002+08:00

its morning and i still haven't sleep.
songs blasting through these ears of mine.
i can't seem to be getting any lullaby to force me to shut my eyes.
no dreams to think of.no sight to gaze upon.
all i am asking is for someone to enlighten me.
habits like these are not to be prolonged.
thoughts have been playing in my mind.
am i falling for someone?
am i crashing myself for real now?
this is happening too fast and at the wrong direction.
calm down boy.don't get your feet too up high,cause you will only fall down harder.
but the thing is without you,i have nothing to base my trust and heart on.

this is all so wrong.
admit that and i know i have to make a change.or should i keep it this way.
left untouched and unnoticed.

2009-06-09T02:55:00.002+08:00

STEPASIDE STEPASIDE STEPASIDE!

hahs.i have never felt so attached to anything in my life,other than my bike,than this band.honestly speaking i am just the sessionist but i feel like i belong to a family.
the very same band that has changed the way i live,breath and think.
to sum it up.STEPASIDE has made an impact on me.
positive i can say.i am just around to help out as much as i can.
we will be having our own gig soon.maybe round the end of July.
due to the sudden attack of rush and last minute changes.we can't really put it up at the end of June.

so listen up people,do support us and the gig.
venue is yet to be confirmed since i have yet to explore the locations with a female who is god damn experienced in this field. (she is too hot already in the cyber world and in lion city for me to say out her name.hahs)
learn some tips from the gurus and hopefully i will make it some day as a good planner or organizer. ( i know i have stupidly big dreams)

i got plans or should i say,a skeleton, for the gig.
nice tags for the bands performing.
tickets that are easy to obtain.
rules that are worth to have.
a theme where people can relate to easily.
merchandises from the bands performing. (hopefully!)

lets just say that i want something where people will remember. :)

p.s:burnout!!!!

2009-06-04T08:05:00.003+08:00

sometimes,maybe sometimes,you will just wonder about what you want to do with your life.
with all these things that are happening around the world. that hunger for power, that lust for wealth.
what is really being passion about here is all I have to ask.
the world has been screwed up. fucked up real good by the rapists we all call humans.
unlike animals,we have brains to think and moralities to guide us on what we really want.
but with the world crumbling down,where can we really go?
with global warming and recession going on. which do we choose over?
both equally important and divided loyalty on the answer.It is really tough to unite as one and change the world to a better shelter. It is just not wise to be doing both.
The harder one tries, the harder one falls. Thats the saying that have been going on for ages. A saying so true that it led to most enthusiasts down on their knees. Thinking hard on what their next step should be.
Can we really blame each other now? Putting accuses on the people we claim to be the bad ones. the rotten kind.
No we can't and we should not. We just have to look at ourselves in the mirror and ask the person staring back at you.
other than showing the image of who you are, it shows the true color of what kind of a man you are.
those lines beneath your eyes,they show a story where you should be having more peace and rest. a story of you being overworking yourself.
I have been tiring myself as a norm right now. Every single day,trying my best to accomplish things that people don't believe me of. Ensuring that tomorrow will be a better day. Making sure that every morning i breath with relief in my lungs.
But that has taken a toll in life. A burden to cope on my barely movable shoulders.
All the projects in mind,the due dates to complete em tasks. These things have made me a mad man. On the verge of breaking down. But i can't just ignore the facts in life where i have to support myself.
The bills piled up every now and then. Who is going to clear them but not me?
These sleepless nights have got me restless times.
where does this road leads?
i hope the ending will come sooner i plead.

fuck love

2009-06-03T03:51:00.002+08:00

forgive me this thing called love.
you have changed the way i feel about people around me.
with a lack of it,I felt that the lonely are getting lonely again.
the people misjudging their fellow pals and the ones around them.
what is love?
when there is none to talk about in this very moment of a particular chapter in life.
i lack in having one.I just don't have what it takes to possess one.
to the ladies out there who tried to prove me wrong,
i am apologizing for what i have become.
This same old creature who have been heart cold,
who have torn down every walls with anger and rage.
wearing gas masks of different caliber just to hide that twisted smile.
to hide every single emotion that flares beneath that cold hard stare.

fuck love.

2009-06-01T03:30:00.001+08:00

my current craze!

its been a while

2009-06-01T02:12:00.002+08:00

alright updates people.
i have officially started my work.
nothing much to note about that here in my blog.
so well,for all those people who have been asking me where i work and all.
here is the answer.
"NO WAY AM I GOING TO TELL YOU GUYS!!!"
privately confidential.
enough said.

i think there are points in time where you really should sit back and see everything as a whole.
it makes so much sense to not judge things or people based on their only certain characteristics.
sometimes that is where we tend to overshadow the other qualities they have and that is bad.
lucky for me,i look things as a whole.
the guy may have effing bad habits but if he is a nice guy overall,he is a nice guy.
well lets all sit back and watch the show as a whole.I mean how can we just watch one part and know the outcome of the movie.It doesn't make sense really.
Hope you get my point.

I will love a moment in time where i can just sip some fresh orange juice,
sit back in some cozy chair,let the sun blazed down on me and my friends.
watching over the horizon and talk about stuffs that really matter to our life.
Where we all can relate over matters that can get us talking for hours.
A time which doesn't include talking about music,segregation and people.

We all lead a life and music is not just the only thing each of us have.
So friends,lets one day beach bum and enjoy life. :)

in my eyes

2009-05-27T23:19:00.002+08:00

3 years long.
i felt kinda alone and hopeless.
no one to share my heart with.
no one to please and joy for.
rumors go talking about me playing with fire and starting sparks.
lies that deceived the people around me.
listen to what i have to say.
please believe the words i speak.

i am not the guy you guys believe i am.
trying to fit in the frame everytime just to ensure you guys are satisfied.
its getting boring and its getting out of hand.
i don't date every single girl i contact with.
do you guys even believe in friendship with the opposite sex?
limits were set and i was blind to break them apart.
now what do you guys want?

all i want is that sweet lady who can listen to me and talk to.
that same lady who can cheer me up when i am down.
who will love me for who i am and not what i possess.
the one i can wake up to and just see her smiling beside.
its simple as it is.

now where do i find her?

needs and wants

2009-05-26T10:48:00.002+08:00

I have been thinking about the things in life that i have been aiming for.
never once have i thought about which are the wants and which are importantly the needs.
in life there is no doubt that we have to choose the needs before the wants.
cause most of the wants are materialistic dreams which can be achieved once the needs are settled.

so here it goes,the needs and wants:

NEEDS
1)BETTER GRADES
2)CE POINTS CLEARED (in case you guys are wondering,CE points are compulsory in RP)
3)SAVINGS
4)PRAYERS?
5)DEFINITE COMMITMENTS
6)CAREER PATH TO FOLLOW

WANTS
1)MAJOR REDO FOR BIKE
- EXHAUST PIPE
- HANDLE BAR
- SPRING CLUTCH
- SIDE MIRROR
- DECAL
- SEAT
- CHAIN
- MUD GUARD
- TYRES AND RIMS IF APPLICABLE
2)HELMET
3)MORE TSHIRTS
4)MORE JEANS
5)BERMUDAS
6)SHOES
7)IBANEZ RG321MH-WK
8)MARSHALL AMPLIFIER
9)BOSS ME-20 GUITAR MULTIPLE EFFECTS
10)PS3/XBOX360
11)WIRELESS ADAPTER (STARHUB)

Basically that is about it for now.
I know that my wants are like super duper expensive to clear but it all results to me having a better lifestyle.Something that I will clear eventually once i am done with my needs.I will greatly appreciate if there are kind people reading this blog and goes "hey! i have most of his wants items and i don't need em now." :))))

contradictions

2009-05-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

i have something to say regarding the last post that i have wrote down earlier.
CONTRADICTIONS.
Admit that i contradict my own blog with my actions.
maybe why i was feeling like that was because i am angry with my friends and the people around us.
maybe its because of the white lies i created and the stories being manipulated behind my back.
but i will like to just forgive myself for this.
i will like to apologize to the others who were affected.
apologize for all the lies i have said and the stories i've manipulated all these while.
its about time we all face the truth and change for the better.
i am super tired already of this tired cycle.
tired of you people talking about others without looking at yourself in the mirror.
Don't judge others,my friends.
we all just work for a better future and a better self.

this is where the contradictions start.
i am not going to be led astray and just see you guys create the epidemic destruction that is doom to happen.
i am going to stay behind and watch us rise.
lets all be open to each other,tell each others theirs and ours flows.
so we all can help each other out and progress.

thats what i believe in.do you?

tribute

2009-05-20T23:05:00.003+08:00

I will like to post a shout out to all my friends out there.
It has been a fun time.
Eventful and meaningful moments which we both shared.
Something that I will never ever forget and will always treasure in my very own heart.
But all I can claim right now is that
"sometimes we all fall down,at times we fall"
I have been sitting and thinking for quite a while now.
Been pushing time on when I can officially announce this.
It has been tough on me. With all the goals in mind and the little time we shared.
It was never enough to achieve all of them.
So I just have to throw them away now and focus on the things that matters to me right now.
I appreciate the trust you guys have put upon me.
The lessons we all learn in life.
How magical it is to know that certain experiences can only be attained by mixing with specific groups of people.
Those sleepless nights,those L4D scary moments.
That KL trip,that night watching Have Heart.
Listed above are only the few chosen from the hundreds and thousands of special moments we all share. I am going to miss it,I hope you guys will miss it too.
No regrets.Life moves on.

I have done my part.Tried my very best in it.
Put my heart and soul in our friendship and the kingdom of wonderful moments we did.
Giving each every inch of my spirit with nothing in return.
I was always happy to see you guys around.Always happy to laugh at the jokes and trash talk about stuffs.
But I guess it is also time I break away.
I have had my share and I have never been happier in my entire life.You guys change me,my life and my motives.

I will miss the whole lot of you guys.And lets not forget the girls.
It was a fun filled roller ride.
Guess i fell out from the cabin half way.
I am not going to climb back up like I have always been doing.
Its time I walk away to another joyride.
Its time I stop troubling you guys and stirring up controversies.

The dust have settled.Visions clearer.

I walk away.

Hope to meet you guys on the other side.

no love can save met

2009-05-19T23:05:00.004+08:00

thanks to Aidil for introducing me to this shit.Damn awesome i tell ya all.
Reminds me of Double D somehow.The last time i heard to him was like early last year?
That is damn long if you count time but minutes and seconds.LOL.

it has been a mixed up eventful weekends for me anyways.
Went for the last show in Asia for HAVE HEART and god i was sad that they are breaking up.A band so tight,musical arrangements so sweet and lyrics effing meaningful.This will be gone sooner than most of us ever imagined.Its okay though.I will respect their decision and wish them a better future ahead.I was glad that i was able to make it on that day with help from xkudex and friends.
He helped me with the ticket and the others spurred me to go and enjoy myself.Thanks guys!Really appreciate you guys tons.

The HXC celebration was another day i just have to remember.It was nice seeing all the Malaysian kids and Final Attack.One thing to say about Kids On The Move's new songs is "WONDERFUL".A more melodic approach and it was all splendid.This i have to appreciate Joanna for literally dragging me into the gig.I was damn broke that day.I also had no mood earlier cause i did a foolish act.Much more on the selfish side.
All i can say was i was naive and being myself.Which i have to change real soon.
I have been selfish all this while.Been too nice that i forgot the morality behind limits.I am a guy who knows no limits and that has always been bringing me trouble.It is not wrong to be nice,but it is wrong to not know your limits.Maybe it does not apply in the social world.that is all i am claiming.
Learn from my mistake,i must.Learn from all these dark images,i need.

mc to the abc

2009-05-17T05:36:00.008+08:00

it was one hell of a damn fruitful day.
woke up damn late cause i slept only at 6am yesterday.
realized i was late to meet up Asyraf for his pay collection day.
damn,lots of messages when i woke up and thank god he didn't mind me fetching late.
day 3 without money and i was surviving really well. :D
Asyraf pay was a damn shockingly sad case.
He expected way more.So bro,if you're reading this..don't expect too much when you're working under Malays okay? :P

Met the others at Bugis and had a nice time watching the motocross show at Singapore Flyer.

Right after that,we headed down to ABC Lodge to meet up Final Attack and the "groupies".
still don't get it why they are like so attached to this band from Indonesia. O.o
Had an brief analysis of the band and i feel that they don't talk that much.
Maybe it is because its their first time in Singapore or they are simply shy.OR they speak different from us goddamn malays.
Lets not say they are arrogant.Well i am just saying its a possibility. :)

To those who have been trying to contact me via phone.
I will like to apologize if i can't be reached.My prepaid is low. :(
SOMEONE TOP IT UP FOR ME! :D

tired

2009-05-16T05:26:00.002+08:00

had a hell of an eventful day.
not to actually say it was a big day or anything but more to say the day was filled with activities.So yeah was pretty much rushing around like a man on a mission and busy with thoughts and actions.
woke up pretty sore today. (yes i should have slept more and earlier)
rushed to school and was late cause i couldn't remember my class location.
so had to sit at one hidden spot and find it online.
luckily it was not that far from the carpark.
oh well i was pretty quiet in class today.
it was so boring.
the facilitator was making me sleepy and bored like she always do.
forcing me into my own dreamland and world.
Luckily most of my friends were online so i had fun entertaining shits and doing my school work.so lets just conclude class was fine for today.
after class,had to meet up my awesomely cool FYP team.
we discussed pretty much a lot today.
a lot more than what we usually do when we meet.
FINALLY,THE AGENDA OF OUR PROJECT IS FIXED.
next is on how to go about accomplishing what was needed.
i swear this will take a toll on me in the next couple of weeks.so outside school friends,please don't feel disheartened or whatsoever.
I AM DAMN BUSY WITH SCHOOL!
went out with Adi after school,originally planned to sheesha with a girl each but in the end we could not find any. (feeling damn rejected somehow)
so we decided to let Hafiz to join us.
He really made the day fun with his random jokes and reactions.
Bumped into Dilla and her giant friend too there.
GOSH! i may be mean but i know that if a person is big,she is a giant.take not the word "SHE".lolness.i know,i am a S.O.B for life.
After we were done with em pipes,decided to go for some supper in Geylang.
Got ourselves durians and we are still dissatisfied about it.
Alright guys,we should make that more often. :D
Spent the night at Yishun after a meal at Jalan Kayu.
with a lovely pal name Asyraf and a cool dude name Hafiz.
so we had a fun filled night full of laughter.
was so beat up that i eventually sped my way back home today.

Hfz forgot his cap again,this time it was left in my bag.I only realize when i was reaching out for my laptop to blog.I lent him Ipod so its really okay for now.

why can't we all be friends?

2009-05-15T17:45:00.002+08:00

There is something i don't get.
Why has this hatred evolved?
Why did we get others involved?
We should be man and talk about it.
Its not like we didn't.We did.
I don't care what you think about me now.
You are still my friend.
The fights we had.Those moments we shared.
Why have we let it all to waste.?
Lets push these indifference aside and build a better future for us.
We have created much mayhem.
We got to heal them.
Now i am reaching out my hand and asking for forgiveness.
Asking you to help save this friendship that has been hammered damn hard.

I am sorry for being a part of wounding this friendship.
But I can't be possibly be the one who creates all the trouble.I am sure you had a role in it too.
So on my part, I will forget about the past.
Whatever you and I did to sink each other.
We just forget about it and live our life as friends.

I hope you hear me out.

this is where the road ends.

2009-05-09T02:37:00.002+08:00

i am on top of the world right now.
both positive and negative views immense me.
filling up my thoughts and clearing my visions.
the world doesn't seem to be shining any hope on me.
darkness dawns on me in every single way it can possible have.
some viewed me as a liar.
others viewed me as a hypocrite.
a face of countless numbers.
all i ever wanted was you people to feel good.to feel better.
Admit that i lied my ways in order for you people to be dimmed of the light labeled "Shame".
getting the blame for the holy mistakes i've made.
i tried hiding from its judgments for long.
but it has found my spot and already starting to crash me down.
killing my very own purpose of life.

from the top of the world,
i fell,trembling down hard.
not knowing what to do,i tried turning to the people i hope to help me out.
some tried,some succeed but the others ignored my plea for help.
as i reach out my hand to grab at any support along the way.
i cried miserably knowing there was none.
only visions of it due to my positive outlook of life.
they were all illusions.
they were never real.
only hope got me thinking that way.

now i am sorry.
sorry for having to rate out truths and it comes with a deadly prize.
the whole world is questioning me.
i've reached earth's lowest point,so what do i do from here?
the limelight once again burning me deep down.
i hope everyone forgives me if i ever offended you in a way or two.
i pray everyone the best in life.
i wish that i will have a better path to follow from now.
no more turn backs for me.
no more eye-glancing at the destructed path i traveled.

the turmoil has taken its toll.
i have killed almost every inch of hope in me.
through these dark eyes,i will see my past upon.

epilogue: forgiveness

2009-05-04T00:29:00.005+08:00

The sky is dead, the sun has set. I close my eyes and try to forget.
This day that time has overtaken, this day that hope has forsaken.
I'm waiting for the world to burn me down.
Time has changed me and soon time will erase me.
I've realized that I've done so much wrong.
I've got no place to call my home.
Now that change to live has come and gone.
People screaming all along the streets, knowing that their world lays in defeat.
Lies in defeat.
Time has changed me and soon time will erase me.
I've realized that I've done so much wrong.
I've got no place to call my home.
Farewell to who I am, farewell to who I used to be.
Promises of better days have come and gone.
Farewell to the man you see.
I pray that there's no eternity for me.
Forgive me destiny, this world has fucking destroyed me.
Forgive me destiny, this world has ruined the plans you have for me.
Life has polluted me. Forgive me, forgive me.

a plank with wheels

2009-05-03T02:52:00.002+08:00

i miss the times i had on the board.
the old times spent so well.
feeling up every veins with adrenaline rush.
the joy of landing tricks even when they are simple.
the smiles that it bought.
the friends that share those times with me.

i miss em all.
overall i miss s.k.a.t.e

2009-04-27T02:56:00.002+08:00

my eyes are enlightened
my heart is consoled.
with aims up high
we put our pride towards the skies.
pushing all enemies aside
pulling our allies in our side.
together
we should end this disaster.
lets put our indifference aside.
lets raise our flags up high.
marching on.
marching on.
lets poison these bastards
make sure we leave none behind.
remember that they corrupted what we have held so high.
our very own field for passion.
with flaming torches they tried to burn it down.
right now,
we should stand our own grounds.
stay firm,
as our battles ignite.

our posture never been better.
our visions never so cleared.
this is the war.
that we have all been gearing for.

2009-04-25T04:02:00.002+08:00

silence the crowd,
quieten the rumors,
thats all we have in mind for this field.
a field so corrupted.
a field so polluted.
causing drastic changes to farmers who harvested it.

the visions became unclear.
fogged by immoral burnings.
these insects prey on it.
they keep on praying for more.
the hunger always lingering.
these people fight in it.
they keep on fighting for more.

where are the morality?LOST!
where is the armored spirit?GONE!
who should we blame?YOU!
who should we turn to?

no one.
other than our own selves who still believes in the passion
that the field once create.
we,the farmers,will keep on fighting.
a war against this plague.
we have to win.
for a better future's sake.

2009-04-21T11:38:00.002+08:00

modern life is war.

from the band name,we can pretty much see around us why they decided to use that phrase as a name.
its inevitable and unavoidable.
life is consisting of battles and fights.
between good and evil,right and wrong.opinions and beliefs.choices and forces.

we all just need to decide our paths.
the only factor that affects us is greed and promises.
promises that says victory even when the actions are merciless and selfish.
is this what we all lust for?

i have seen these happening right in front of my eyes.
tried my best to stop them and minimize the repercussions that occur.
all i need is help.
a little effort from all the people around me.
Lets all forget our hunger for success and help each other out.

we all deserve a better world to live in.

likewise

2009-04-16T05:11:00.002+08:00

friends are meant to look out for each other and help them up when they fall.
not sit around and just laugh at the fallen ones they call friends.
that is something i have been seeing often with the people around us.
they disguise themselves and wished that everyone is blind enough to not spot them at all.
why can't everyone just be true and honour each other like their promises say?
why not just give and take?
why don't we let others rise before us without feeling a little pinch of envy?
why must you isolate me?
why can't you amend your ways and see things as us do?
sick as this can get.
i don't wanna see you falter cause you seem to be plotting your own fall right now.
we are supposed to look out for each other's back and give us motivational talks to lighten our darkest days.

i've done my part.where's yours?

fucked up today

2009-04-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

it seems luck is not on my side.my whole day was a fucking mistake yet i have to take responsible for all the mishaps that happened to me.
not only am i broke and jobless,i have a lot of settlements to clear and bad debts to swallow.i hope that there is no more room for more.lets just pray that i will be able to settle the score.give me something to breath for.

i got into a rocky start when i woke up late today.was suppose to meet Asyraf earlier and deal with the posters but in the end i got out super late.while trying to get to Yishun,i dazed and got myself lost in the cemeteries at Jalan Bahar.Was pretty much fucked up as i was running low on petrol.Got lost for an hour before i managed to find my way out.It was horrible i tell you.After that,i just took the major roads to Yishun to pick up Asyraf.
While on the way,i had a little fucked up mishap that happened to me.I was trying to weave through some cars at the road near KK Hospital and i dropped.Together with my bike and Asyraf,i couldn't understand why but i aint going to blame anyone on this other than my own.The car that i hit upon dropping had its bumper scratched and etc.It was fucked up cause i just had to deal a fucking moron this time round.He is the opposite of nice and he looks like the typical chinese that you just wanna fucking punch in the face and leave him in his own pool of blood.He is a father of a small kid yet he looks like a fucked up gay pussy to me.
The faggot took my IC and handphone number down plus my plate number.Fuck,he just had to add salt to injury.I already had some damage done to my clutch at that point.truth is,i was freaking sad.
Rode off to Ignite after that to set up the poster.This was all due to the fact that i reasoned with the fucker that i had to settle some errands and he told me he will call me up in the afternoon which he really did.Once errand was done,we met Remee at Cathay to chill after a game of L4D.Damn i need some stress reliever at that point.
How can i calm down when i know i have shits to pay and all.
the price quoted for the bumper was a freaking bombshell of 1000 bucks.hell,i dont even have 10 bucks with me right now.
got the day ended up early cause i just wanted to go home and calm myself down.

here i am.thinking and restressing myself about life and mishaps.
one word.fuck.

have heart

2009-04-13T03:24:00.004+08:00

HAVE HEART is coming to Singapore!
Damn a show that cannot be missed.
I have already missed CBK which totally spoiled my mood for the whole of last year.
this time i will try to make it.

2009-04-10T01:36:00.001+08:00

life is full of ups and downs.
its either you make it or you break it.

backontrack

2009-04-08T05:18:00.002+08:00

yes Kuala Lumpur trip was fun.really really fun.we acted like we are the godfathers there with plenty of money.at least for the first few days till everyone was getting sore throats and pockets empty.
we stayed at this place called pondok lodge.pretty cozy other than the fact that it can only be accessed by stairs and god i hate stairs.like the sight of it sickens me deep down!oh well at least the place has a nice view from its rooftop which all of us chilled without fail every night.the place reminds us more or less of somewhere which don't stress us out like Singapore does.It was calming and simply peaceful at night over there in KL.
i bought myself 3 shirts there.spent my money more on cigarettes and food which i should not have so that i could have bought more stuffs.damn i know i will get a guitar there soon cause its bloody cheap there as compared to prices here.other than that the phones there is pretty cheap too.gotta be back there real real soon.
the kids there are fun,the gigs there are awesome,the food there are delicious,the cigs there are taxed-free.the whole place is fun!!!!!

when all of us reached Singapore back.Sad faces were painted on each of our faces.the feeling of reality striking us back is something unpleasant.this country is a bit too expensive for us to stay in.We all hope that the prices can be revised and that all will get the chance to enjoy a tax-free country.dream on bro,thats all that i can ever do about in Singapore.

okay back in Singapore.
i gotta find a job.
clear my debts.
get my head and thinking right.
try to decrease the amount of stress only cause in Singapore,stress is like always playing a part in each individual life.

2009-04-02T11:06:00.000+08:00

I WILL UPDATE THIS BLOG ONCE WE RETURN FROM KUALA LUMPUR!

:)))))))))))

..

2009-03-31T18:42:00.005+08:00

it has been days since i last update this piece.
well for starters,i met suhaimi up when he officially booked out on the 27th till 29th.gosh how much i miss hanging out with him.we chilled at haji lane with a couple of good friends and back to his place.its been days since we crash his crib.misses and memories.oh well at least thats all lifted for now.

up next,i will be going KL to join Remee for his performance there.pretty cool shit right?just hope u guys dont screw up there.its like a once a lifetime event and lets pray step aside will do their best! Haha.

i have been mixing with people whom i rarely do in the past.time for a change?well i don't think so.its just me fitting in a again where i should have belong.the past relived.

GOSH! this blog is so empty!

unloved

2009-03-25T03:05:00.002+08:00

thanks to all the dudes and dudettes who wished me a happy birthday.
really appreciate it guys.
3 hours have passed and all i can land myself in is some good music and just reminiscing.focused yet lost thoughts keeps on threading itself around my brain veins.

Remember those talks on the lonely roads where we spilled our hearts while we headed home?
It’s because of those nights that we grew so close.
I know our bond is stronger than most.
The most profound things
I’ve ever heard came from half-awake kids that never had their turn. And I felt the same way,
so we could all relate with misfortune and what it takes out of ourselves.
This has taken so much out of me.
Fucking drained, running on empty.
Stomach in knots, begging to be free.
I drown it all out so I can finally breathe.
And I’ll ask myself, where will this road lead?
Fell down and picked back up, destined for anything.
And I’ll ask myself, where will this road lead?
I just need to know…Where the fuck will we end up?
Where will this road lead? Is this our destiny?
Right now, time stands still.
This is all that I believe.

This shout out goes to all my closest friends,those who have seen life through my eyes.The very same people i will turn to when i have some problems that i can't bear on my own.These are the people who will help me by sharing the burden that bears weight on me.

there are questions i have in mind that leads me feeling astray.
so now where will this road lead?

credits to fxza!

2009-03-24T03:21:00.001+08:00

[c=1]Mrs Fxzarchuleta™[/c=4] [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says:
because!!!!!!!!!!

1. you are good looking.
2. you are not like those mat2.
3. YoU dOnT TyPe LiKe ThIs.
4. your english is superb, and girls like that. unless they also english pecah la. (boys with pecah english is annoying when u talk to them.)
5. YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN REJECTED.
summarize : you're an ideal type of guy that girls would wnat.
*want.
DAH.

hahaha.this lightens up my night i swear to god! thanks mate!

proudness

2009-03-24T02:49:00.002+08:00

today was remarkable.simply remarkable.
i got to a pretty early start of riding my younger brother for the first time in our lives.the relationship between us brothers seem to have just got tighten.rode him all the way to BBDC cause he wanted to get himself enrolled for bike license.Oh well..Just wish him all the best for it alright people!
then i went back home.I WENT BACK HOME!Life is boring i know when you don't really have plans to occupy your time with.time just fades by sadly with no productivity at all.damn,i want someone!hahas.
so at home,just slept my day through till about 5 plus.i swear nothing good was on tv and i had nothing to do either.so sleep was the only sensible thing to do at that very moment.
got a call from Remee telling me he is at Ubi and was wondering if i wanna chill with him.
So thats where the rough times begun.I swear i spent freaking 2 hours learning how to get to Ubi and still i got lost and lost and lost.Round and round i went and i keep getting myself lost.This is the first time i have been in the east side with my bike and it was terrible.Oh well like they always say,there is always a first time for everything in life.Luckily i learned how to ride there the next time round i need to. (:
In the end we finally met at ITE Macpherson.It was lucky that Remee knows his way around East damn well.Maybe cause he used to stay and hang out there thats why.LOL.
So we decided to head Kampong Glam from there.Had our dinner and chilled for a moment before heading Selegi to actually play Left4Dead which we played at Advance level and my god no one survived.no one.it was too tough for us.hahas.
Chilled Somerset after that before decided to get back home.

At Redhill,things got a bit calmer.I topped up my petrol.Talked and chilled with Remee and discussing about issues of life.
Good chat and good things came out of it.Remee told me that he is prepared to take the manhood status of life now.Prepared to do whatever it takes for a bright future not just for himself,but for the good of others and especially his family.Damn thats sweeet.Good job bro,i am definitely proud of you.do it just dont say it if u get what i mean aye?

Oh yeah Fxza just joined the ranks of people who thinks its easy for me to get a girl.Thats damn wrong girl.I dont know whats wrong with me but i don't have a date since i don't know when.Boring shits right?

10:30

2009-03-22T22:29:00.002+08:00

i slept the whole entire day.
literally 12 hours of sleep to cover the fatigue i got from the day before of riding and sending people back home.
it was a good experience for me cause i was able to learn the roads and directions to my favorite places in Singapore.Thank god it is not so big but then again,dangers are still dangers.
as long as i am safe and sound back home.there are nothing else that i am worried about.
i swear the weather yesterday just made it worse for everyone including me.
raining heavily,chilly weather and foggy climate.

my life ain't got no meaning till i found one.

are you out there?

2009-03-20T21:53:00.002+08:00

i just got back from a very long day with my mum and step-dad.
was awake this morning and he told me that they will help pay for the repairs of the bike first and that i will be able to repay them once i have start working or so.
on the good side,i will get my bike fixed hence i will gain more confidence when riding the bike in the near future.
bad note is,i have just added on to my belt of debts that are kinda getting a bit annoying to look at.
oh well,talking about bikes.I think Singapore has too many car owners.
Pretty fucked up about since most of them are pretty reckless and kinda inconsiderate on the roads even when the situation is pretty heavy.I mean,whats so wrong about letting others change lanes and all when they need to.
its plain simple and obvious to see that most Singaporeans are damn kiasu...

Once the bike is fixed..i'll let you readers to have a view at it.uploads coming soon!

anyways i just realize that i haven't date for a very long time.
where are all the girls!?
its not that hard to find one decent lady in Singapore actually.
Prob is that i have a trouble of approaching girls and asking for their email add or numbers.
I am just too shy for that right now.Believers who tend to view me as this playboy or so,I am begging you guys to change that mentality of yours.I am actually sick of it really.When guys ask me for girl numbers and all.It tends to piss me off since i took quite an effort to get them.So in future,don't bother looking me up if you think i am some pimp whom you can get your numbers from...
Its been a long time since i have felt in love.
all these love songs kept in me just waiting to burst out and be sang to some beautiful angel who will pick this mess called me and actually love me for who i am.
i have been pretty low-confident about myself ever since three years back.
promise is that,when i see the angel,i will muster every ounce of confidence i have and do what ever i can to win her heart.

i don't need a meaningless life.i have had enough of it.
give me what i will treasure and i'll return with something way valuable than all the riches in the world....my heart.

weeeeeeeeee

2009-03-20T04:57:00.004+08:00

oh well the old me is dead and gone..
no more multiple flings and dates.
just plain asrizal u're gonna to get straight from the image of heavens above.
long gone is the ideology called rage.
i will swallow my pride and just accept the beating.
we all have to change someday.
we all grow up.
maturity is another issue all together.
just be glad if your stage comes more sooner than others.
there is no point of returning back.
just move on and look up ahead cause life is making a turning point once again.

my birthday is coming up in a week's time and i have to be ready to take the fact and push them in my self.
i have clear dreams in mind.
achievable goals at hand.
the world is not on my shoulders but more on everyone of us's.
lets all play in its gardens and create miracles from the pure atoms of nothingness.
the world is a better place than we all proclaimed.
just believe in that i should say.

took my bike out for a spin.
a lot of repairs has too be done but thank god they are just minor repairs.
i will ensure that i will be back riding sooner than i think.
maybe not in the busy hours of morning and hot scorching sun but more of nights which are way cooling and refreshing.
got to chill with Remee earlier and had quite a fun time.
Guess i will be going to need him right now more than ever to keep my sanity intact.
after all i am a lonely man.
smiles!

blisters and coffees

2009-03-19T08:26:00.002+08:00

Good morning to all the beautiful people who took their time to read my blog really.
woke up pretty early today since i had an early night yesterday.
the weather was just perfect and it caused me to have weird dreams.
like not any kinda of stupid dreams but dreams full of 'what ifs'...
before it could finally end,mum woke me up for usual morning prayers.

after prayers,
i just said at the sofa and think about what i wanted to do today.
Remee is busy with work and the others,i just don't know whats up with them.
hahas.
maybe i will call charles/ashraf up and join them at esplanade if they are heading again today.
i'll not go out with crutches.i'll have to train this leg to live again!

it was a good note this morning despite the fact i have lil cigs left to survive even the morning.
i was warming up my bike and decided to give it a ride around my carpark.
gotta admit that i got pretty rusty at riding.
but there is always a start to everything.
point was that i am able to ride my bike now.
realized that was some problems with the bike after the accident.
my speedometer is not working and i have funny noises admitted from the front rims.
could tell that it was pretty much not in position and i should give the bike a full-service anytime soon when i have the money.

oh well,to all those who pitied me.
i am recovering right now!
the improvements can be seen clearly and i should be proud of it..

today

2009-03-19T02:01:00.002+08:00

had a quite an enjoyable day actually.
was not really planned at first other than meeting Remee up at cityhall.
In the end we met each other at SGH to pay his dad a visit.
really pleasant to see him doing fine and recuperating!
May God bless his soul always.
found out that Remee will be going Malaysia to perform.
one plus point for him again.
damn i wish that his good roll of luck keeps on rolling!

we then went to esplanade to check out the performances that was going on.
bumped into old pals there.
gosh i have been missing out a lot of those lovely bunch.
chilled and monkeyed around.
gotta hit them up a text once a while from now on.

met up with charles,andre and ashraf at esplanade too.
decided to separate myself from the previous bunch to hangout with this group.
not bad really,
had fun watching a set and OMG the band was awesome.
more like a punk band rather than ska but they did pull some reggae songs too.
rasta baby! no woman no cry!

oh well i guess i'll retire early tonight.
been rather busy and tiresome today.

smiles!

check out this cool creation

2009-03-18T02:44:00.003+08:00

i was just browsing youtube and i came across this awesome guitar master piece.
maybe you guys will wanna see it and have some thoughts about it or something.

awesome song right?

macddicted

2009-03-17T23:28:00.005+08:00

OMG i am totally being exploited and hooked to this drug called macroin.
every single day i dream of owning one and it has always been a disappointment when i wake up to find myself staring at my sister's dell laptop.

it is so freaking gorgeous.damn!damn!damn!

i have asked my mum about getting me one since i have no laptop right now and i am so not going to repair my fujitsu laptop since it is not really worth it.
for now i will just be patient and hopefully luck will help me to own this one-of-a-kind piece of technogadget.

i was talking to a friend of mine lately and i found out that life is not really bad at all.
every morning all of us have the chance of waking up and smelling the morning dew and breeze.the sun will just shine warmly on us as if telling the world to wake up and fill the day away with memorable events.
what ever that happens yesterday remains as a part of history and the day will always be supposed to look upon for.no matter how shitty the day gets,be reminded that we have always been surviving these kinda days and that should be a blessing.

so lets all brush away our bad mistakes and just stay on this positive outline.

the whole world waits upon no one's shoulders and that we should all live our lives to the fullest and enjoy the god's creation.

smiles....

new

2009-03-17T03:10:00.002+08:00

today was pretty tiring.
had to travel all the way to the Traffic Police HQ located at Ubi.
Just to write a statement and hopefully close my case.
I woke up pretty late and had to take a train to Paya Lebar before flagging a cab and cabbed down to the place itself.
Luckily for me there is now a feeder service from the new Pioneer Station to my place.So do take note people!!
You guys can just take SBS241 from the station straight to my home.About 4 bustops away so it is really a good deal.

After the statement was all said and done.
I head over to my usual hotspot to kinda relieved some stress.
Its been a while since i had shisha and boy it does taste good this time round.
I had a nice time talking to Dilla and my ex-colleagues,Yan and Lena.
Wonderful time i had cause i was full of crap as usual.
Judging from my instinct,i suspect Yan and Lena to be an awesome couple.
All the best to those two lovebirds. (:

I think i should start a hobby from now on.
Was complaining that it was damn boring to be at home with nothing much to do.
Should start writing songs as i used to.
Seems to have a problem though,my guitar is all the way at Bishan.Back at Suhaimi's place.Gotta wait for that dude to book out before i can officially take back whats mine and resume song writing.

I have the greatest mum in the world.
She actually bought me new specs.I should be thankful for that since i got none right now and i have been relying on contact lenses to survive.It sucks to have poor eyesights.Not only has she bought me specs,she actually agreed to buy me a macbook once her pay is in.Thats what really matters to me right now since i have no laptop to deal with after my fujitsu broke down.

I wish that i will be able to walk around and take out my bike by the next 2 weeks.At least before my birthday.

Lots of things are stored in mind and i am not gonna fail myself again.
Life will be fast but i have to keep pace with it.

blog blog blog

2009-03-16T01:16:00.001+08:00

what exactly is the purpose of my blog?
i always see it as to write down my thoughts and events in life.
a mean of black and white recording i say.
but all of this seems so meaningless.
i took a look at others and my god my blog is damn empty.

no pictures.
stupid music.
but nice layout.

i am like a poser blogger you know.
hahaha.
fuck how can i be a poser.

think positive and stay in track.
i love songs with those meanings!

dude

2009-03-13T08:56:00.003+08:00

it has only been several days and i am feeling the blues.
was great seeing Remz again after weeks being totally busy with life respectively.
we met up at alexandra hospital.had lunch at queensway shopping centre where they sell the best curry chicken.totally had my stomach filled on that day even though was freaking broke.
had the chance to visit Remz dad and how i wish that sir will get well soon.
he was really good at giving teenage sons advices and i really appreciated it cause got me realising about stuffs.
i miss my dad even when he is not around and not staying with me.
however,i have a great stepdad whom i always regret upon disappointing him.

Suhaimi is in camp right now.
My fucking close holmes whom i spent 75% of my time chilling with.
Finally he is in camp and i guess he does made a big impact in my life.
He and remee.
Both created a sense of personality in me.
Affecting me as a person in many freaking great ways.
Glad to say most of em are positive.

Dude, i totally miss you
I really fucking miss you
I'm all alone,
All the time, all the time
Really miss the things we did together.
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do

Hoping time flies very fast and i'm ready to pay em back for all the wonders they have done.

change

2009-03-11T02:44:00.003+08:00

time is hard.
we never know what is going to happen in the next minute.
life filled with uncertainty.
we may never know the meaning of life till we savor every single second of it.
time is neutral.
never good once,never bad once.
its the emotions that plays around with us that affects who we are.
a cold-stoned man will never feel happiness cause he don't understand the meaning of enjoying a moment.

my life is taking its time.
i am trying my best to capture every single moment of it.
its not going at any fast pace but amazingly going slow.
mornings have become dull.
nights have become pleasant.
disasters all becoming an illusionist's plot.

i have been staring at the nightsky.
asking myself questions that are still left unanswered.
i wish for a voice to guide my ways.
life is not always splendid.that is what that was promised.

to my friend,
you got to be strong.
you have to be strong.
this is not a good time for you.
have faith even when you lost them.It is always there in you.
search for it.it will not find you till you searched deep.
i am always here to hear your thoughts.
we share words of wisdom.
you know how this all plays.

be strong my friend.

updates

2009-03-07T20:06:00.002+08:00

someone actually kinda tip me off to update my blog.
it has been days since i blogged and its time to resume.

i have been having sleepless nights lately.
kinda stressed out with thoughts and nightmares.
and how was i amazed that my close friends can actually see those fears in my eyes.
the way i react to changes happening too soon.
it has been a roller-coaster ride in life recently.

Suhaimi was the first to realize that something is wrong with me.
Always asking me if i was alright.Trying his best to cheer me up and help me out with my problems.
the only thing stopping him is that i was not going to share my woes.
he was the one who has helped me out in many situations where i couldn't faced them alone.
i was not ready to exploit yet another weakness to my best mate.
I am so going to miss that guy when he is serving the nation.
my mate for ages.
I'll promise not to ever forget how much he means to me.
True friendships truly exists and i hope to repay him someday...

Talking about friendships.
I have been missing my jackass skate buddy real badly.
Where are you man?
I am sorry i wasn't able to reply those messages and return your calls.
I was busy preparing for Suhaimi's performance and departure.
We should hang out real soon man.
Remee,lets not forget the hell we have been through and the ones we created on earth.

Sleepless nights,

school is reopening soon and i am not ready yet to endure school hours and projects.
it is my final year and i still have unpaid debts and grades to settle in my previous 2 years.
i just wish that i will be able to pull through enough strings to get through this tough year.it all means so much to me right now since my parents are counting on me to bring in the results that they have invested so much on me.

money has been an issue to me lately.
i just wish that it could drop from the skies and help me pay my bike bills,hospital bills and enough left to pay for a new macbook.
i have been bumped out by the fact that i was not able to operate my laptop.
how am i able to go to school?
the answers i got from mates and pals are to get a job.
and my question to them remains the same. " How to work with this dumb leg?"
they got me and they pitied me.
Enough.Enough is enough.I don't need any more pity.

I am not fit to work or do anything handy lately.
They told me to be patient but it is driving me crazy.
How long does it takes for this bone to heal.
How long can i go on just resting at home and doing nothing.
Oh God,i beg of you to help me out with this cause no one can ever truly help me out.
Please,just please heal me soon.I am so wishing and praying for it right now.

its been a while

2009-03-05T00:27:00.002+08:00

i need a new attitude adjustment.
with things as it seems now,i don't think i can go very far.
these moments so priceless,teaching me lessons in disguise of mishaps.
my heart still beats the same but my vessels don't seem to get em.
these eyes just wondered how they have been so blind all along.
true meanings of life can only be obtain once we set sights on them.

i will like to shamefully declare that my laptop is pretty much bull's crap now.
it can't even be booted.how am i going to inform my mum about it.
i am sure she will be upset about it.
bearing in mind she worked her ass off to pay for my school fees and that includes my laptop purchased at the beginning of the school year.

please god send me an angel,
with open wings just to grab me in.
i am sick of this life i lead.
wishing i can be born into someone's life.

open up my eyes and just realize that everything is okay.
i know that is plain imaginary.
no things will exist.
we are the creator of the life we lead.
we who are imperfect humans.

i need a life.
i need money.
i need a notebook.
i need a heart.

i don't seem to be having any one of them right now.

dedication

2009-02-26T00:52:00.000+08:00

give me cigarettes
give me coke
give me life

thats all i need right now and i will be fine.

boring as hell

2009-02-24T19:37:00.003+08:00

let me update you readers,
yesterday i paid a visit to the hospital.
had a check up on my left leg and was all glad to hear that my leg is progressing well.
the only downfall is that i am still reliable on crutches and my bone is far from healing.
the specialist in charge of me yesterday was some Italian guy so i trust his words.
i was shown my pictures from the X-ray and was allowed to only snap a picture of one of them.stupid nurses won't allow me to capture more.

that is the picture i've uploaded.
if you guys can see properly,there is still the crack from my tibia bone.
pretty painful you guess right? you bet it is.
i've got a metal rod that length inserted.I don't know if they are ever going to remove it.

It has been all silent recently with my phoneline being unoperative and no one visiting me at home.
my house is god damn boring and how i wish someone could come and just pimp it for me.
at least i will have more fun with that!

updates

2009-02-23T00:33:00.002+08:00

OMG i haven't been back home for a couple of days already.
Finally i am home safe and sound.
Spent my weekends at suhaimi's place.
had a lot of fun there actually.
his place is simply cozy and small.
hence easier for me to navigate around.
even without crutches i can really hop around the whole house and get me anywhere.
i am sorry to those who i was not able to meet the weekends.
namely remee.

DUDE,I AM REALLY SORRY MAN!
LIKE I DON'T REALLY CAN GO UP STAIRS AND ALL.
SO HENCE I DIDN'T WANNA GO TO THE JAMMING SESSIONS OF YOUR BAND.
REALLY WANTED TO BUT I CAN'T!
HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.
GIVE ME A CALL ONCE YOU READ THIS MAN.
MY HOTLINE'S 24/7 FOR MY BRUDDERS!

i have something to confess.
my change in pace has finally caught up to myself.
its been tough but i tried my best to pull through miracles after another.
and i learned something valuable today.
that if we friends,family or strangers put our hands together and unite.
ignoring the differences we have.
everyone participating in their own roles perfectly.
the world will be a perfect place.
no one will suffer badly and that brings joy to people around the globe.
a celebration of life will be commence.
things will be heaven.

my laptop is dying on me!my laptop is dying on me!my laptop is dying!
someone help me get cash and macbook!
hahas.
damn dreams are all i have and no progress for now.
nevermind
rest asure i will be back on my 2 solid feet and work my ass up!
i deserve more than all these!

wishlist

2009-02-18T01:27:00.003+08:00

oh my god.
its almost the end of february and i just realised something is amiss.
i haven't even have a wishlist for this year.
meaning i don't really have goals.
pretty much a bummer cause i know i need goals to push me to my limits and ensure progress.
so here is a little late wishlist that i have created.

1)Recover from open fractured tibia.
2)Fix my bike.
3)Get a new job.
4)Pay all my debts/fines.
5)Clear my CE points in school.
6)Get a new laptop.
7)Indulge in a new guitar.
8)Presents for my mum,dad,brother,sisters and beloved friends.
9)Obtain a nice body.
10)Pray more often.
11)Get a wardrobe makeover.
12)Hype up my room.

Pretty much that is all i have in this period of time.
C'mon its 1.30am in the morning.I can't really function my brain well.
Hahas.I will update the list once i have more commitments to tend to.

announcement

2009-02-17T03:10:00.002+08:00

i will like to inform the world that i will be back in about 6 weeks to 3 months time.
i am wishing that it will be the least time to heal the open fractured tibia that i suffered during the bike accident about more than one week ago.
i am glad to say that i did not die during that fatal incident which could have cost me my life i was dragged further to the center of the road and got trashed by the bus that barely missed me.
The tragedy keeps freaking me out every single moment i go to sleep or daydreaming.
There is no point regretting now.

Through this pain i am undergoing,I have learned quite a number of important things in life which i have been missing or overlooking in the past.

The value of friendship,family ties and God.

I have been so busy thinking about myself that i was scared to admit i lost touch in all the above mentioned.

Through torments,i smile at myself.
I know i have much more to give in this world and life.
It is not my time yet to pass.
I still have the world bearing down on my shoulders but i don't mind the extra weight i carry in life.
It will be acted out as motivations for me to keep on my struggle.
I have big dreams.
Massive goals that i wish to accomplish before i kneel down to the sight of death before my eyes.

This road to recovery is going to be a memorable one for me.
A story i will tell to my grandchildren and children.
The best part of this story is that i have people to accompany me.
My true friends.
My beloved family members.

I will treasure each individual like they mean the world to me cause right now they truly are.

To the souls i have sold out in the past.I will like to redeem forgiveness from them.
I have done bad miserable and evil things in the past in the outcome of stupidity and meaningless thinking.

It is all about to change.

Readers,pray for me and my struggle.
I'll pray for yours.

addict

2009-02-16T22:47:00.002+08:00

today was pretty much tensed for me.
i just realized how stressed i am for being useless.
nothing seems to be right.
nothing is worth fighting for these days.
things aren't always what they seem.

i have to keep on surviving.

oh yeah.
recently ADTR have been rocking my ears.
their new album is definitely one to listen to.
Check it out people!

the hottest shit on earth!

aries

2009-02-16T01:40:00.002+08:00

guess what!
i came across something interesting lately thanks to Siq's bulletin.

►GEMINI--HARD TO LOVE (5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Good personalities.
Loves relationships. Addictive. Loud.
►ARIES - THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. (3/21-4/19) Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners..Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. NOT one to mess with.
►VIRGO - THE BEST SEXUAL PARTNER (8/23-9/22) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it.Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.
►SCORPIO - THE VIRGIN (10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person.
►AQUARIUS - THE ONE U CAN'T TOUCH (1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Attractive. Loud. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.
►TAURUS - THE BAD BOY OR GIRL (4/20-5/20) Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Best kisser. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out
if it comes down to it. Someone you
should hold on to.
►CANCER - HARD TO CATCH THEIR HEART (6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long- term relationships, if you can actually get them to stick around. Extremely energetic. Wild. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Normally not a Fighter, but will if neccessary. Someone loves them right now, they just dont know it. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost..
►LIBRA - THE PIMP (9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor. Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.
►PISCES - THE SEX ADDICT (2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. BEST kisser. Always get what they want. Very Attractive. Easy going. RARE Find. GOOD when found. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. NOT one to mess with.
►LEO - THE SEX MANIAC (7/23-8/22) Very talkative. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and SEXY. Have own unique appeal. Irresistible. Most caring person you'll ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with...they will kick your ***... u might end up crying...
►CAPRICORN - THE SEXY ONE (12/22-1/19) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word.Rare to find. Caring. Smart. Sweet. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please.Loves to smile.Beautiful laugh.Patient.Amazing in the you know where..!!! Bit of naughty.The one and only.Sincere..very cheeky.

haha.i am an aries in this case.
so guess most of what is said is true actually.
so i deem this info reliable!

hit me a text and tell me which u are.
maybe we can make out!
lol!
just kidding! (smiles)

heals

2009-02-15T23:37:00.002+08:00

i have been feeling much better recently.
thanks to all the people who have been asking me about my leg and all.
i really appreciate you guys.
have to return you guys some efforts when i am back on my feets.

sundays now means a certain kinda day for me.
not just any kinda day but FAMILY day.
a day i will put aside everything.
spent my time with my family members and relatives.
like accompanying my grandma at sengkang.
chilling with my mum and dad.
don't matter how and what.
i will devote the sundays to them.

pretty much thats all.
i can't skate.i can't skate.i can't skate.
fucking bummer.

14 the feb

2009-02-15T00:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night,
Suhaimi came over to company me the whole night.
Gosh!How much do i miss that guy.
We had fun
Talking
Checking up my bike.
Serenading.
The norms when 2 best dudes collide.
Slept.

Through the midst of all the fun and laughter.
I was kinda depressed.
One night without hearing her voice
Seems like i am addicted to her.
Like a drug prescribed for a fatal disease.
I am fearing the worse.

Today.
I woke up pretty late.
Had calls from remee.
Asking me to meet him up and company his day.
Kinda got myself lost and confused.
Cause i planned to spend my day with her.
Got my wish and fulfilled remee's wants.

I can't imagine how i was stupid enough to let a girl waiting for me at the interchange for long.
I had problems going out with this wretched leg.
i wish i had the energy to go buy the list of items i want for her.
damn stupid me.i swear i don't feel good about this.

So we chilled at haji lane.
introduced her to middle eastern food.
best i could do.
argh! i am a lame ass.
met remee and suhaimi there.
so not so bad after all.

my god she is like an angel.
pretty decent to see.
calming on the nerves.
i think i just got enlightened.

i hope she knows i'm in trouble now.
pulling in fast in this quicksand.
i ain't a saint i promise that.
but i will try to be at my very best for her.

cheer up girl,if you're reading this.
i know i will do my best to make up for all the wonders you have done to me.
the delights i will always remember.
trust me on that.i'm not gonna give up.

another cigarette

2009-02-13T21:08:00.002+08:00

valentine's coming and i am in no state to celebrate it at all.
leg's all screwed.
i don't think i can even walk 5 meters without feeling tired or having aches.
so i guess i am going to give it a skip just like last year.
miserable right?

i'll spend the day smoking.
thinking of the 10 perfect reasons to ask this lady out.
hahas.
got a draft of it.
hope its reasonable?!? LOL

1.Your soothing voice calms me down.
2.Your imaginations of unicorns,rose gardens and rainbows are creative.
3.Fun person to chat with and no matter what i will never get bored.
4.You bake for your lovelies,shows how lovely you are.
5.You are pretty much dazzled by books.Lots of topics we can talk about?Hahas.
6.You seem sweet in pictures and i know that you look better in real life.
7.Calling me weird names like ducky makes me feel small.
8.I wish to see the girl who use to climb over fences/gates when she was little.
9.Definitely an ahlian/ahbeng/matrep/minahs hater!
10.Simply one in a million!

I know its a lame start for the 10 reasons.
i suck i suck i suck
you should know that very well!

a trip to the clinic

2009-02-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

today i had to go polyclinic to get my wounds redress.
thankfully,the sight was better.
some of my stitches are like dry except for the one on the right side of the knee.
been watching a lot of wrestling lately and i am inspired to shape my body like..
RANDY ORTON! (Go search him up in www.wwe.com)
Damn envious uh since i have a pretty disorganized body.

oh yeah,i can't seem to upload anything to my phone right now.
like i don't have the cable.
so to anyone out there who has an LG and kindly wanna give me their cable.
please do so alright! (hint hint)

now i am addicted to a metro station song.
sounds gay.

now that we're done,i'm so sorry!

hahas.

cheers...

p.s: this blog just seems more and more fun!thanks baby!! you sparked some heat in me. (wink wink)

road to recovery

2009-02-11T12:41:00.002+08:00

had a bad couple of days lately.
i just quit my job lately due to company's racist policies.
a game which i can never truly defeat since i am on the losing side.
bear the grudges,wish the remains goodbye and better future to seek to.
i am not all so evil after all.

got my bike.
had a ride.
too much adrenaline rush.
fought the waves.
crashed myself.
broken tia bone.
now i am all stoned.

i'll upload the pictures of my scars when its done.

now i am back home.
i swear i hate hospitals from now on.
bored and meaningless.
i actually found myself useless.
but
friends,family came to visit me.
it was all caring.
late night calls with a beautiful one.
had my burden lighten by all stated above.

i wish you know.
each day,you completely caught me off the stone.
i think i am beginning to fall for you.

my first self-declaration of heart being alive after so long.

you are the only girl to ever really melt my heart.
i swear i will cherish you.

snuff

2009-02-06T22:41:00.002+08:00

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate - If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago / If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
My own was banished long ago / It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away - You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control...
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

uncertainty

2009-02-06T14:45:00.003+08:00

alright it has been ages since i've last updated on my blog.
so let me recap what happened recently.

life has been meaningless recently.
nothing seems to make sense,
but i am playing pretend that it reads a plot for me.

unemployed.
useless.
broke.

that is the outcome of not saving up.
i wonder how am i to survive independently.

I NEED TO START SAVING!

blank

2009-02-03T08:49:00.003+08:00

random nights.
that's all i have been having nowadays.
the world never seemed so quiet.
the cold never seem so unbearable.
i'll stare at the skies and pray for a miracle to happen.
with one shed of tear,
no one ever knows this pain i've held.
people around me thinking..
'boy,what a life he has..'
never really analyzing the tormented self i am.

plain blank and random.

that's all i have been feeling for the last few years.
the moment never so sure now.
i thought i could handle it.
i thought i could manipulate it.
never so well i wonder,
how long can i keep faking this feelings.

dude,you have to pick up.
you have to make it through.
this shit of madness its what created you.

oh god,
i wish for a sign of miracle to happen from you.

6

2009-02-03T08:43:00.002+08:00

had a fun day yesterday.
was literally on the phone the whole day.
pretty fun actually talking random shits.
something i will never forget.
went out with remee and had quite a long-distance journey.
walk here,walk there.
i wonder how i can never get sick of walking.
well we still can't find the bag remee wants.
pretty much tiring looking for it
so we decided to have some left4dead.
i swear i was fucking high killing em zombies.
2 against the entire colony.
and boy we did well as a team.
i bet that anyone will enjoy their time if they are out with us!
the original piece of the jackass crew. hahs.
then it was bummer i had to leave for work.
was pretty sucky since i was damn tired and all.
but never the less,i try to make things fun.
now i just got home from work and just got to find out that yan changed my shifts so that i can work with him today.
boy,that gay bastard seriously misses working with me.
cheers for that.

8

2009-02-02T10:19:00.002+08:00

i am starting my very own countdown.
not to any particularly huge holiday or event.
but something big in my life which is
the LAUNCH of my very own BIKE!
hopefully nothing will screw up the process.

its not that interesting
but i like to keep it a secret
from people who i am planning to shock.
hence the reason i don't really tell people about it neither my blog.

i believe in shocking moments.
i wish that this year will be a breakthrough for me.
a start in the entertainment business all thanks to suhaimi.
an end to my torturous 2008.
life has never been better for me.

hopefully i have much more to give.
to the people whom have changed my life.
changed my philosophies and my beliefs.

lets all smile and be happy friends.

sincerely yours

2009-02-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

had a good 2 day actually but i am running low on cash.
been spending my ass off like nobody's business.
haji lane has been beginning to be a norm for me.
this is unhealthy.

oh well i am like hooked to a particularly nice song.
it explains what i am right now.
guess i will reveal the song's name soon.

i think i am beginning to like someone.

it has been ages.
i miss dating.
i miss midnight hugs and calls.
i miss kisses.
i miss sharing my heart.
i miss falling in love.

valentine's day is coming and i still have no date.
sad sad case.
till i find a way to spend time with her.
i will always be a sad boy.

happy morning.

2009-01-31T14:22:00.000+08:00

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa =)

i just got back from a tiring yet most happening morning in my entire life.

finally i have bought my first bike! its not really planned what i wanted to buy and i totally was taken off guard when i decided the model finally!

its a yamaha fz150.pretty macho-looking bike aye? hahas.

i am like way happy now and i am hoping that the rest of the year will be a good one for me.

a nice lady told me this,unintentionally changing the way i view life.

family,friends,self and then love.

true true true....

4am

2009-01-31T04:02:00.000+08:00

I just got back from my norm outings with amy.
Had a damn tiring day shooting at bussorah street and haji lane.
Did some light shopping in bugis where i got this firestorm shirt at DC.
Pretty much thats all.Another boring chapter in life.

Oh yea,i have been drinking alot lately.
maybe because im stressed.
maybe because im terrified of myself.
Whatever the reason.

it has to stop.